discipline

I was mulling over the difference between ‘personality’ and ‘character’ the other day. I’d read an article by the late Jim Rohn a little while ago, and for some reason the concept had popped into my head again. The two words have different meanings, although on a daily basis, I think we use them interchangeably, so my nerdy-geek took over and I went in search of an (online) dictionary to help clarify my thoughts, and this is what I found in the Oxford Dictionary:

Personality

• The combination of characteristics or qualities that form an individual’s distinctive character; and,
• A celebrity or famous person.

Character

• The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual; and,
• Strength and originality in a person’s nature.

There were a number of examples of each definition given, but I’ve picked my favourites to illustrate the points that feel right to me.

I think the thing that struck me about each of these definitions and the thing that feels right in my understanding of the terms, is that ‘personality’ feels light and ‘character’ feels more substantial. This is particularly borne out by the second definition of personality as a celebrity, which in today’s culture seems very lightweight or famous person, which, frankly could go either way (Edmund Hilary is famous, but for his gargantuan efforts as a mountain climber, rather than if he had appeared in a reality tv show!).

And I think this is where I’m going with the idea of character contrasted with personality. There’s something that tells me we can build our character, in fact we use the term ‘to forge our character’, whereas this terminology doesn’t seem to work for personality.

So if we can build or forge our character, what does that mean for our futures?

We all face choices every day of our life. The results of the choices form the lifestyle we live and the world we’ve created around ourselves. Sometimes these choices are not conscious and we fall into default modes of activity. In other words, we are driven by daily habits. Whether these habits are good or bad for us is fully illustrated by the results we see in our lives.

And this is where character comes into play.

If that decision-making process is not present, you’ll still be somebody—you’ll still be alive—but you may have a personality rather than a character, and to me that’s something very different.

Jim Rohn

Because we tend to move through each day unconsciously following our regular routines, we rarely question whether this is a good or bad thing for us. The morning latte on the way to work gives us pleasure. But over time, the pleasure becomes ordinary and routine as we fail to savour the moment as much as we did the first, second, third time we gave ourselves the treat.

Now the habit becomes a default action. It’s just something we’ve programmed ourselves to do on the way to work.

Stopping to question this activity could provide insight into our future life as we examine other areas that are affected: finances, personal fitness, sociability etc.

And this is where we can begin to forge our character. We review and decide whether we like the direction our latte is taking us in the long term. If ‘yes’, then carry on, if not, then make the change!

Of course this is a very simple example, and for a lot of our decisions, simple is key. In other words, catch those less-than-desirable activities while they are still just that: activities. Because, once they turn into habits, it’s a much harder change to make.

When we’re born, people all around look out for the development of our ‘little personalities’. Whether we’re quiet or outgoing, energetic and into sports of preferring the quieter pursuits, those around us take pleasure in seeing us bloom into who we will become.

But this isn’t the end of the story because whilst we may be born with a ‘personality’, we can go on to develop our character. We may deem that some of our personal traits aren’t serving us well in terms of the direction we wish to travel and so we may research those characteristics which we want to develop.

For example, we may want to develop our persistence, or our loyalty or our trustworthiness. Whilst all of us will have some level of development in each of these areas, it is our personal responsibility to develop each characteristic to the point that we feel it truly reflects who we are.

Each of these, and any other personal characteristic, is developed by the circumstances we find ourselves in and how we react in those situations. If a small ding to your car by another driver causes you to immediately lose your temper, then this is a clear demonstration of a personal characteristic that you may (or may not) want to improve upon…for your own wellbeing and those around you.

Similarly, happy events in your life will also elicit certain reactions. Your character will be clearly visible to others at those times too. Are you gushing or reserved in your praise of your children and does this serve you and them well?

Only you can decide. You must make it your responsibility to respond to circumstances in a way that pleases you, rather than look back over the day and regret your actions.

But how do we find out what characteristics we’d like to develop?

Well, some will be easy because they will already be well-developed as part of our personality. We are honest or always keep a clean home. We are ambitious or go with the flow. Often these characteristics are visible in the way we conduct our daily affairs or by the results we’ve achieved in life.

But sometimes we know we’re not being true to our desired character by the way we feel. If we forget a birthday we might feel guilty (we don’t want to be seen as thoughtless), or if we fail to meet a work deadline we’re annoyed at ourselves (we don’t want to be perceived as unreliable).

It’s critically important therefore that when we notice these negative emotions turned inward that we get to the root of what’s causing the pain. In the example of the missed deadline above, we may superficially be feeling bad because of the row we had from our boss, but by digging a bit deeper, we will know that it is in fact a personal character issue that is in play. We’re not happy with our own behaviour in this instance.

Taking the time to develop our character to become the person we want to be is one of those activities that once started becomes addictive. Because, whilst we may initially believe that our character is set in stone when we are born, discovering that this is not in fact the case and that we can become whoever we choose to be is incredibly empowering.

If we were labelled as a child and have always believed that label, then it can, and will, be life-changing to cast aside those labels.

• Always labelled the lazy child? Get to work!
• Always labelled the bookish child? Go run that marathon!
• Always labelled the quiet child? Get up on stage!
• Always labelled rubbish at maths? Become an accountant! (That’s my personal experience, by the way!)

The options are endless for our self-development and the great thing about following the path of character growth is that it becomes self-perpetuating. The more of it you do, the better you become!

So don’t allow yourself to be fooled by old labels, ingrained reactions that are now habits or circumstances that appear to conspire to hold you to a certain set of rules. Instead, face your difficult emotions, dig deep and find out who you really are. Study those people who already characterise the behaviour you want to emulate and start to slowly bring that into your own experience.

• If you want to be more patient, learn to slow your reactions so that you may respond calmly.
• If you want to be more friendly, look for opportunities to talk with people you are drawn to (this could mean learning the skill of small talk!)
• If you want to be more decisive, look for situations that test your ability to do this and then learn to live with your choices (both good and bad).

Forging your character is central to your personal development and to becoming the person you know you really are. Sometimes the work involved is difficult and challenging. We need to keep on top of ourselves and notice when we are straying away from our intended path. However, there is great power in maintaining the effort involved as we will outwardly become more and more of the person we know ourselves to be inwardly. And in the end, this can only make up happier!

Photo: Symphony of Love